Over the weekend, I attended a bittersweet event that caused me to reflect on the importance of relationships. The event was a celebration of life for my father-in-law, who passed away on January 4. He was 87.
My father-in-law was a person who truly never knew a stranger. He was the kind of person who would make friends with the checkout clerk at the grocery store, the auto mechanic and his neighbors. My wife and I would joke that when he would come to visit us from out of town, he would make friends with our neighbors, who we were only acquainted with, by the end of his visit. Not only did he develop relationships with acquaintances, he poured himself into developing strong bonds with his children; my wife included, and his grandkids. This is a legacy that will survive for generations.
As I reflect on his life, I find that I still have a lot to learn about friendships and relationships. I am not one who naturally makes friends with everyone I meet. I have to put effort into it. Often I find that when my interests in developing a friendship are self-serving, these are the ones that rarely develop in to long lasting ones. The ones that have lasted have been the ones where I first offered to serve them. It could be helping them move over the weekend, giving them a ride somewhere or taking them out to lunch.
Several years ago, I offered to serve on a committee made up of hospitality industry professionals who were responsible for putting on a large banquet, the proceeds of which went entirely to a local food bank. I offered to serve, not because I am selfless by nature but only because no one else would and I felt compassion for the committee organizer. Even after I agreed to serve, I’d occasionally find myself on my way to a meeting mumbling “I don’t have time for this”, or thinking that I have better things to do. But over time, my heart began to soften and I found myself very thankful for the friendships that grew from serving with others on this committee. It was also a special feeling, when during announcements at the banquet, a check for several thousand dollars was presented to the food bank. What an honor it was to stand on that stage with my fellow committee members.
Innate in all of us is the desire to become better in our profession and personal lives. But for me, it doesn’t always involve making new friendships and enhancing the current ones. With the remainder of 2012 still on the horizon, I’ve decided that rather than setting concrete goals for something like “making 10 new friends by the end of the year”, I’ll take the approach of looking for opportunities to serve others.
